BFF (AND EVER)
Before I even start, I can already feel the judging eyes. I’m not saying that your man can’t be your best friend or that your man isn’t your best friend. It’s okay to have a best friend (or two!) that isn’t your boyfriend, husband or partner. For some reason, I feel there is a pressure to find a significant other that can be a partner and best friend.
That’s a whole lot of responsibility – at least for a needy girl like me. Hey…I told you from the beginning that I was going to be honest with you!
Here’s 5 reasons why it’s okay your best friend isn’t your boyfriend:
1. 20 years
That’s not how old I was when I met my best friends, that’s how long we’ve been friends for. And at 26 years old that feels like a really, really long time. How could I replace that with a person I’ve known for a couple years of my life? The relationship I have with my best friends isn’t because we like the same things or that we are living a similar life. If that was the case, we wouldn’t be friends. Our relationship is as strong as it is because of how long we have been friends for andwhat we have faced during that time. Believe me, it gets really weird when you’ve been friends for that long. We can finish each other’s sentences, text each other about the same thing – at the same time and sometimes even show up wearing the same outfits or at least be color coordinated.
2. Lady Stuff
I feel like I don’t really have to go into detail on this one but to be able to talk to your best friends about anything AND they have the same parts as you, makes things a tad bit…um less awkward and easier. Unfortunately, I wasn’t blessed with any sisters but I was blessed with two best friends who I can ask any question to. Oddly enough, they don’t have sisters either so we have created our own, homemade sister bond that all you sisters brag about having! (Okay, I’m a little jealous!) From that time of the month to beauty products – we can share everything and anything without feeling judged. Well we might judge each other but only in a sister loving way!
3. Mind Reader
Anyone ever have a quick reality check when your boyfriend or husband can’t read your mind? For some reason we expect them to predict what we are thinking or how we are feeling. And lets be honest, are our thoughts ever predictable? But can’t it be so frustrating to have to explain everything when all you need is a little time to vent? This is where my best friends jump in wearing gold capes and probably those cute little eye masks too. As crazy as it is – they are actually mind readers. We know what hurts each other, what pisses each other off and sometimes we know what each other is thinking before that person even knows. It doesn’t matter what we vent about – we know each others heart, intention and how to react to their emotions.
4. Girl Talk
I think I learned this from my mom. Every day after work she would call one of her friends on the phone and just chat. And I absolutely love this. Me and the girls have a group text message that is active about 24 hours of the days. With Kelly working late or Lindsay getting up early – there is always some sort of conversation going on. We talk about babies, work, shopping and even try to keep up with the Kardashians. Sometimes it can get overwhelming if you are busy for an hour and come back to 50 unread text messages but it makes me so happy that we stay in constant contact. We actually got together for the first time since Christmas and it didn’t seem possible that it had been that long. The best part is we all text like we talk and you can hear each other saying some of the things. Oh and we crack ourselves up! At least once a day, you can find me laughing out loud from our conversations.
5. Find Your Tribe
Why fix something that’s not broken? I’m not saying I should ditch Kyle and not be friends with him. But my relationship with Kelly and Lindsay works and it has for a really long time. We get each other. It is so comforting to have people who will 100% support you, even when you make really stupid choices. From my experience, this a whole lot harder to do with your boyfriend or husband and that’s normal. That’s the beautiful thing about your best friend not being your boyfriend – you’re not trying to make important life decisions together. Instead, you get to be there to support each other. You get to be mad when something pisses them off. You get to be happy when they are having a great day. It’s all about having each others back, no matter what.
When I created a draft for this post, I reached out to Kelly and Lindsay – the girls who I consider to be my “best” best friends. I briefly explained what the blog post was going to be about and wanted their opinions on the subject. I was laughing out loud when thy responded with the same thoughts that I drafted up. (Insert that creepy part of being best friends for so long!)
I’ve known Kelly since 1st grade – like before I even knew how to add. And unfortunately, that’s probably not an exaggeration about the adding part. Kelly is the type of friend who I can always count on taking my side, no matter what I have done. She will be the first to say, “you do you girl!” and always remembers the little things. I would consider Kelly my “wild” but not so “wild” friend (her bedtime would be 9 PM if she could). She has piercings and tattoos and is always up for ANY adventure I throw her way. FYI: the only two tattoos I have, we got together. She also took me to get my nose pierced a few years back. From last minute road trips, vacationing to Hawaii and going out on a Tuesday night (rare occasion, but can be done with some convincing) she’s my girl. Kelly has a heart like I have never seen before. She is slow to judge, quick to love and would give up her last dollar to buy me a souvenir from somewhere.
“I would haaaaave to say that your boyfriend/husband….or any significant other in general…should be your partner, your life companion, even your soul mate if you’re lucky enough. But the role of a best friend is saved for the girls. I’ve had a variety of different relationships with men haha and literally nooooothinggg compares to the comfort of your best bitches. When you’ve known each other for over 20 years, grown into such different lives and different people, yet you’re so in sync, you know it’s legit.”
Lindsay and I met in 5th grade and it was all history from there. I also probably didn’t know math at this point either. You know those friends who you get scared to tell certain things to? Yup, that’s this girl but it’s because she’s my voice of reason. Lindsay will be the first to be down right honest and truthful to me. Of course, after telling me I’m right, how much she loves me and reminding me once again that I’m not crazy. Lindsay and I have always had this raw, honest relationship of being so transparent to each other. Just ask her about waiting for Emma’s arrival. In a world where we feel like we can’t trust anyone, it feels so good to have a relationship built on trust and honesty. Whenever we are together, it goes right back to being in high school and I hope that never, ever changes. If you’ve ever met Lindsay you can agree – that her love overflows, she has a glowing personality and she presents herself in such a confident way. She’s the first person you see in a room full of people. That also might be because she would be the one standing up and waving her hands so you could see her. Check out Lindsay’s guest post here: Life Changing Moments.
“Here’s the thing…you guys know I love Josh more than anything in the world, he’s my favorite person. But you guys…you’re like a part of me. It goes deeper…on a different level. You know me. You know everything about me. ‘Cause you’ve been there, literally, for it all. It’s one thing to marry your soulmate and build that unity with someone you love so much. It’s another thing to do that surrounded by the people that saw you through to that point. That’s what it means to be a best friend. And that role is very specifically and intentionally reserved ‘for the girls’. The ones that have always been there from the beginning…the ones that aren’t going anywhere, ever.”